Somehow I knew this year would be amazing at the end of 2012! I promised myself and my family I would make it great! So much has happened since I last blogged and all of it has been good!
In January we confirmed that yes indeed we would be welcoming another beautiful little girl into this world in June. We decided to name her after two amazing women in mine and Jason's lives- our grandmother's. Pearson Kennedy Soriano is due June 11th. She is doing great with only 3 1/2 weeks (hopefully sooner) to go. She is measuring about a week ahead and is very active. I say I hope she comes sooner, but really I'm not ready to share her with others... Sydney is so excited about her little sister. She brags, loves, and hugs on my belly constantly!
I just recently finished my first year back in school, and loved every minute of it. I am still stuck on what I want to do eventually, but have a pretty good idea of what I see for myself and my family.
We went to the beach early April and it was absolutely beautiful! We enjoyed every minute of it, well at least I did because I remembered to put on sunscreen, unlike Jason. We are headed back to the beach when Pearson is about 4-6 weeks old... Are we crazy??!!
This month has been and will continue to be absolutely insane! With school finishing up, finalizing baby stuff, and getting Sydney ready for kindergarten I need a moment to rest.
My amazing and beautiful friends gave me the most precious baby shower earlier this month. Everything was perfect! I was so happy to be able to share that day with all of my close friends and family and my precious little 5 year old. I loved how all the little girls there wanted to help me open presents! It was so fun to have Sydney help though, because I got to see once again how truly excited she is for her little sister to arrive.
Yesterday, Sydney had her gymnastics program at school and she would continuously look at me and Jason on the bleachers to make sure we saw how good at gymnastics she is. She loves it, unlike ballet right now. She has her recital this weekend and I'm a little nervous to see how it actually turns out. Sydney loves more upbeat things in life, and I'm not sure ballet is keeping her excited and interested at the moment. I know she will do fine, I just want her to have fun!! We are going to start soccer this summer to see if that is something she will enjoy doing. I'll post recital pictures after this weekend.
Sadly, Syd graduates from preschool next Tuesday and this large, hormonal, emotional momma is not sure she is going to be able to stand it. I am not ready for this big move to kindergarten! Her baby years went by so fast and I just need time to slow down this summer so I can continue to enjoy my baby before I send her off to big girl school. I'll be sure to post pictures of our sweet little girl's graduation.
Finally, after next Tuesday life will slow down for the final 2 1/2- 3 weeks before Pearson arrives. I have become so anxious about her delivery considering everything that happened with Sydney. But, I also know everything is in God's hands. I am so lucky to be able to capture our labor, first moments with Pearson, and Sydney's first time to meet her sister in pictures. Leslie Wiggins Photography will be in the room with us to capture this incredibly special time and I can't wait!!
That's it for now. I am going to try to stay on top of this blog while I can, but maybe the next time I blog our new addition will have arrived!!
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
The past few months...
First thing- this is going to be a very honest and emotional blog post.
I have sat down to type this out 3 times now. The 2 times before now I could not bring myself to push POST because this is a personal matter and I was not ready to share my heartache or feelings with anyone. When I say anyone I mean anyone. I have kept my feelings and emotions bottled up inside for almost 2 months now, and I am starting to turn into someone I'm not. I'm starting to turn into a bitter person. If you know me, you know I am always happy. I always look at the bright side of situations. Well, until June 4th.
As many of you know Jason and I were so excited to announce we were expecting our second child due on Christmas Day. We had just started trying and to our surprise we got pregnant. Immediately we told our families because we wanted them to join in on our excitement as well. Everyone was so happy for us- my family, my best friends, co-workers, pretty much everyone close to us that knew we were expecting was so excited! We went in at 6 weeks and saw our baby's heartbeat and became even more excited!! Who knew something could go wrong in the first trimester after seeing the heartbeat? Not this naive person. I guess I knew deep down something could go wrong, but I was so sick the entire pregnancy- and you know what they say- if you are sick it most likely is a healthy baby. I felt perfectly fine besides the nausea. I thought everything was fine until my doctor's appointment on June 4th.
*Disclaimer- This is about to get extremely personal and emotional. This is the first time I have talked about this to anyone. I am just now to the point where I feel like I can remember these things so vividly without throwing up or completely breaking down. I have 4 year old, I can not do these things in front of her...
I remember that day so vividly. I dropped Sydney off at Ashley and Blake's around 9:00 so she could spend the day with Popi and Gracie. Then I went to work until 2:45. We invited Popi to come to the ultrasound with us because I had not had any complications and he was in town so why not let him see his next grandchild. I remember getting to the doctor's office at 3:00. My appointment was at 3:15. We waited in the waiting room until 4:15. We talked about finding another baby in there, because I was already starting to show at 11 weeks. Finally, the nurse called my name and I was on my way to the Ultrasound room with Jason and Popi. As I type this I can remember this all so clearly... I remember immediately being able to see the baby. I remember so much about my baby to this day that I think is a little too personal to share on a blog. About what seemed like a lifetime into this ultrasound, but really it had to have been a minute or two I knew something was wrong. I panicked and asked the Ultrasound Tech if she could see the heartbeat. It's like she is still in my head saying "I'm trying". I immediately looked at Jason, who never took his eyes off of the ultrasound. I then remember her measuring the baby at 9 weeks. I knew right then that something was wrong. I don't remember much after this- it's all a big haze. I was in complete shock. At 11 weeks I found out I had a Missed Miscarriage. Where do I, where do we go from here. Gary (Popi), was so amazing that entire afternoon. I don't know what we would have done without him. He told people we could not tell. I initially scheduled my surgery a week later, but when I woke up the next morning I couldn't wait a week. I was an emotional mess (at times I still am). I called the dr. right when I woke up Tuesday morning and scheduled my surgery for the next day.
This is the first time I have explained this to anyone. I have my good moments and I have my bad moments. Yesterday I had a good afternoon, but once I got home all the emotions from the past 2 months hit me... hard! I just curled up in my bed and cried, and cried until I fell asleep. I have a lot of things coming up in the fall, but every time I get excited about those things I think about how I would so much rather be big and pregnant. I would rather be feeling that precious baby moving inside of me. I woke up this morning knowing by now I would know what we should be having. I should be planning a nursery, picking out a name, buying clothes. But, I'm not! Instead, I am going through my days being angry at the pregnant women that come to my register scratching their bellies, or holding their bellies. I know they have no clue what I have been through, but it's hard to watch that. At times, I have to walk away and have someone else take over because I know I am about to break down. Feeling this way is not me. That is the reason why I am doing this post.
I do not want anyone to feel bad that has asked me questions about the pregnancy. I know ya'll had no clue. I haven't wanted to express my feelings with anyone.
I have gotten through these past couple of months because of my faith. God has a plan for my life, He has a plan for my family. I know I could not have done anything differently, this is all a part of His plan for me and Jason. I also have had a lot of support from Jason. He has been absolutely amazing. He lets me cry when I need to, and he comforts me during these times. He has made me smile and laugh so many times since June 4th, because he knows that's me and he knows how to make me happy, even in my lowest moments. I have talked to a really good friend the past couple of weeks about being so bitter and not wanting to feel this way. Ashley, thank you for being there for me when everything happened. Thank you for watching Sydney and making us dinner. Thank you for calling me non stop to make sure I was okay. You helped me get through the one of the worst times in my life, and I can never thank you enough for that. Alison, you have no idea how much you have helped me. You are there to listen when I need to breakdown. You get me out of the house to do fun things when I just want to lie in bed crying. You have made so much time for me, when you know I just need a friend. Also, Ashley, thank you for being there for me when everything happened. Thank you for watching Sydney and making us dinner. Thank you for calling me non stop to make sure I was okay. You helped me get through the one of the worst times in my life, and I can never thank you enough for that. I can't put into words how much ya'll mean to me ladies. I appreciate all of my friends that have helped me through this time.
Here are some of the things I have going on in the fall. I am going back to school!! I was so proud of myself yesterday for doing so good on my placement exams. This is a huge deal to me- I have always been horrible at math, but I did so good on the placement exam!! I am also starting something new on the side of school and Chick. I will discuss this at a later time once everything is squared away with that. I am so excited about the opportunity though.
As for more babies, there are a few things we have to do before we can start trying again. I am not sure what all it entails, but I know God has a plan for us. It's all in His hands- just as it should be!
I have sat down to type this out 3 times now. The 2 times before now I could not bring myself to push POST because this is a personal matter and I was not ready to share my heartache or feelings with anyone. When I say anyone I mean anyone. I have kept my feelings and emotions bottled up inside for almost 2 months now, and I am starting to turn into someone I'm not. I'm starting to turn into a bitter person. If you know me, you know I am always happy. I always look at the bright side of situations. Well, until June 4th.
As many of you know Jason and I were so excited to announce we were expecting our second child due on Christmas Day. We had just started trying and to our surprise we got pregnant. Immediately we told our families because we wanted them to join in on our excitement as well. Everyone was so happy for us- my family, my best friends, co-workers, pretty much everyone close to us that knew we were expecting was so excited! We went in at 6 weeks and saw our baby's heartbeat and became even more excited!! Who knew something could go wrong in the first trimester after seeing the heartbeat? Not this naive person. I guess I knew deep down something could go wrong, but I was so sick the entire pregnancy- and you know what they say- if you are sick it most likely is a healthy baby. I felt perfectly fine besides the nausea. I thought everything was fine until my doctor's appointment on June 4th.
*Disclaimer- This is about to get extremely personal and emotional. This is the first time I have talked about this to anyone. I am just now to the point where I feel like I can remember these things so vividly without throwing up or completely breaking down. I have 4 year old, I can not do these things in front of her...
I remember that day so vividly. I dropped Sydney off at Ashley and Blake's around 9:00 so she could spend the day with Popi and Gracie. Then I went to work until 2:45. We invited Popi to come to the ultrasound with us because I had not had any complications and he was in town so why not let him see his next grandchild. I remember getting to the doctor's office at 3:00. My appointment was at 3:15. We waited in the waiting room until 4:15. We talked about finding another baby in there, because I was already starting to show at 11 weeks. Finally, the nurse called my name and I was on my way to the Ultrasound room with Jason and Popi. As I type this I can remember this all so clearly... I remember immediately being able to see the baby. I remember so much about my baby to this day that I think is a little too personal to share on a blog. About what seemed like a lifetime into this ultrasound, but really it had to have been a minute or two I knew something was wrong. I panicked and asked the Ultrasound Tech if she could see the heartbeat. It's like she is still in my head saying "I'm trying". I immediately looked at Jason, who never took his eyes off of the ultrasound. I then remember her measuring the baby at 9 weeks. I knew right then that something was wrong. I don't remember much after this- it's all a big haze. I was in complete shock. At 11 weeks I found out I had a Missed Miscarriage. Where do I, where do we go from here. Gary (Popi), was so amazing that entire afternoon. I don't know what we would have done without him. He told people we could not tell. I initially scheduled my surgery a week later, but when I woke up the next morning I couldn't wait a week. I was an emotional mess (at times I still am). I called the dr. right when I woke up Tuesday morning and scheduled my surgery for the next day.
This is the first time I have explained this to anyone. I have my good moments and I have my bad moments. Yesterday I had a good afternoon, but once I got home all the emotions from the past 2 months hit me... hard! I just curled up in my bed and cried, and cried until I fell asleep. I have a lot of things coming up in the fall, but every time I get excited about those things I think about how I would so much rather be big and pregnant. I would rather be feeling that precious baby moving inside of me. I woke up this morning knowing by now I would know what we should be having. I should be planning a nursery, picking out a name, buying clothes. But, I'm not! Instead, I am going through my days being angry at the pregnant women that come to my register scratching their bellies, or holding their bellies. I know they have no clue what I have been through, but it's hard to watch that. At times, I have to walk away and have someone else take over because I know I am about to break down. Feeling this way is not me. That is the reason why I am doing this post.
I do not want anyone to feel bad that has asked me questions about the pregnancy. I know ya'll had no clue. I haven't wanted to express my feelings with anyone.
I have gotten through these past couple of months because of my faith. God has a plan for my life, He has a plan for my family. I know I could not have done anything differently, this is all a part of His plan for me and Jason. I also have had a lot of support from Jason. He has been absolutely amazing. He lets me cry when I need to, and he comforts me during these times. He has made me smile and laugh so many times since June 4th, because he knows that's me and he knows how to make me happy, even in my lowest moments. I have talked to a really good friend the past couple of weeks about being so bitter and not wanting to feel this way. Ashley, thank you for being there for me when everything happened. Thank you for watching Sydney and making us dinner. Thank you for calling me non stop to make sure I was okay. You helped me get through the one of the worst times in my life, and I can never thank you enough for that. Alison, you have no idea how much you have helped me. You are there to listen when I need to breakdown. You get me out of the house to do fun things when I just want to lie in bed crying. You have made so much time for me, when you know I just need a friend. Also, Ashley, thank you for being there for me when everything happened. Thank you for watching Sydney and making us dinner. Thank you for calling me non stop to make sure I was okay. You helped me get through the one of the worst times in my life, and I can never thank you enough for that. I can't put into words how much ya'll mean to me ladies. I appreciate all of my friends that have helped me through this time.
Here are some of the things I have going on in the fall. I am going back to school!! I was so proud of myself yesterday for doing so good on my placement exams. This is a huge deal to me- I have always been horrible at math, but I did so good on the placement exam!! I am also starting something new on the side of school and Chick. I will discuss this at a later time once everything is squared away with that. I am so excited about the opportunity though.
As for more babies, there are a few things we have to do before we can start trying again. I am not sure what all it entails, but I know God has a plan for us. It's all in His hands- just as it should be!
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Back to the blogging world...
SO I have not posted anything in a very long time but I thought what better way to get back into the blog world with this announcement!
Jason, Sydney Claire, and I are so excited to announce that our family is expanding!! Baby #2 is due Christmas Day!!!!
Jason and I started discussing making another addition to the family just recently and to our surprise we got pregnant!! we are so thrilled! This past Thursday we went for our first ultrasound and saw the baby and the sweet sweet heartbeat!!! Jason was so surprised that we could hear the heartbeat already (we are 7 weeks pregnant). Immediately he got so excited!! We have watched video multiple times of the ultrasound and each time we become even more thrilled!!
We are leaning towards not finding out what we are having... Well I am.. Jason wants to know but if I don't find out I know he can't keep that secret from me! So he may have to give it up and wait until the baby gets here!
We know it is early to announce but after seeing the heartbeat this baby is a part of this family and we pray every day for a happy, healthy, full term baby!!
We love our DR. She knows about when Sydney was born and how the experience was not at all what we expected, but she is so supportive about all the things I want this time. We are so happy in Northport/Tuscaloosa and we knew we wanted to have a baby here! In the hospital I will have a Nurse with me at all times which makes me feel so comfortable!! She will do ultrasounds starting at 20 weeks to focus on the baby's brain and other organs to make sure it isn't something genetic that caused Sydney to have a stroke. This is one of the things that she is doing to "go the extra mile" with us!! Like I said we could not have a better DR.
Jason and I have known we were pregnant for almost 4 weeks now! Early I know!!! I have been so sick and tired but it will all be worth it in the end!! All of our friends and family have been absolutely amazing!!
Meet Baby Soriano!! SO little I know!! I am going to keep up with the blog and continue to update on our journey and growing family!!
Oh and Sydney Claire is so so so so excited and wants a Baby Brother... We will see!!
Jason, Sydney Claire, and I are so excited to announce that our family is expanding!! Baby #2 is due Christmas Day!!!!
Jason and I started discussing making another addition to the family just recently and to our surprise we got pregnant!! we are so thrilled! This past Thursday we went for our first ultrasound and saw the baby and the sweet sweet heartbeat!!! Jason was so surprised that we could hear the heartbeat already (we are 7 weeks pregnant). Immediately he got so excited!! We have watched video multiple times of the ultrasound and each time we become even more thrilled!!
We are leaning towards not finding out what we are having... Well I am.. Jason wants to know but if I don't find out I know he can't keep that secret from me! So he may have to give it up and wait until the baby gets here!
We know it is early to announce but after seeing the heartbeat this baby is a part of this family and we pray every day for a happy, healthy, full term baby!!
We love our DR. She knows about when Sydney was born and how the experience was not at all what we expected, but she is so supportive about all the things I want this time. We are so happy in Northport/Tuscaloosa and we knew we wanted to have a baby here! In the hospital I will have a Nurse with me at all times which makes me feel so comfortable!! She will do ultrasounds starting at 20 weeks to focus on the baby's brain and other organs to make sure it isn't something genetic that caused Sydney to have a stroke. This is one of the things that she is doing to "go the extra mile" with us!! Like I said we could not have a better DR.
Jason and I have known we were pregnant for almost 4 weeks now! Early I know!!! I have been so sick and tired but it will all be worth it in the end!! All of our friends and family have been absolutely amazing!!
Meet Baby Soriano!! SO little I know!! I am going to keep up with the blog and continue to update on our journey and growing family!!
Oh and Sydney Claire is so so so so excited and wants a Baby Brother... We will see!!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Today was better
Today was better than yesterday, but not great. I hate feeling this way. I am learning to do things differently. That's all I have for now. Good night!!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Today... not so good!!
Last night I was really upset and missed my grandmother so much. It seemed like everything reminded me of her. I kept thinking how much I wanted her to meet Sydney. It all started when I picked up my phone and almost called her. The weird thing is she has been gone since 2004. This is the first time in a really long time that I have done that.
Then we get to today. My dad called me during our lunch rush and left me a message telling me he was on his way to the ER due to a headache that had not gone away in a couple of days. This was hard for me. My mom is out of town for business and he was by himself. I wished I could drive there so he didn't have to be by himself but now that we are 2 1/2 hours away it makes things like that hard.
Today is also my best friend Abby's 21st birthday. I was sad because I wouldn't be there to spend time with her and celebrate with her. Happy Birthday Abby!! I hope you had a great day.
A lot of other things happened that just made today even harder. I have so many different feelings going on right now. At times I feel like I am about to have an emotional breakdown. I feel like if that happens the only person I will be able to turn to is Jason and he isn't good with situations like that. He tries but it makes him uncomfortable. Then this all leads back to me missing my grandmother, and my family, and friends. I feel so alone today. I don't think I have ever felt like this and I hope this feeling goes away soon. I could ramble on but I'm starting to cry again and I don't want to do that before bed.
Happy Birthday Abby!! I hope you are having a wonderful day!! I miss you so much!!!
Then we get to today. My dad called me during our lunch rush and left me a message telling me he was on his way to the ER due to a headache that had not gone away in a couple of days. This was hard for me. My mom is out of town for business and he was by himself. I wished I could drive there so he didn't have to be by himself but now that we are 2 1/2 hours away it makes things like that hard.
Today is also my best friend Abby's 21st birthday. I was sad because I wouldn't be there to spend time with her and celebrate with her. Happy Birthday Abby!! I hope you had a great day.
A lot of other things happened that just made today even harder. I have so many different feelings going on right now. At times I feel like I am about to have an emotional breakdown. I feel like if that happens the only person I will be able to turn to is Jason and he isn't good with situations like that. He tries but it makes him uncomfortable. Then this all leads back to me missing my grandmother, and my family, and friends. I feel so alone today. I don't think I have ever felt like this and I hope this feeling goes away soon. I could ramble on but I'm starting to cry again and I don't want to do that before bed.
Happy Birthday Abby!! I hope you are having a wonderful day!! I miss you so much!!!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Good news
About two weeks ago Sydney's neurologist called with the results from the EEG and MRI/MRA. When I first answered the phone I was very nervous and scared. But, the Lord came through for us once again. The Dr. told us that he did see an abnormality in the EEG but the MRI/MRA he compared to the day after she was born and...
The spot where Sydney had the stroke shrunk!!! He said he has only seen this a couple of times and he sees thousands of children. He told us that somehow the tissue is no longer dead. He had no answers for this except we have an amazing and remarkable child and he described her as a miracle.
Thank you God for our Sydney Claire. Thank you for protecting her and healing her!! Our lives would not be complete without this precious red head!!!
The spot where Sydney had the stroke shrunk!!! He said he has only seen this a couple of times and he sees thousands of children. He told us that somehow the tissue is no longer dead. He had no answers for this except we have an amazing and remarkable child and he described her as a miracle.
Thank you God for our Sydney Claire. Thank you for protecting her and healing her!! Our lives would not be complete without this precious red head!!!
Monday, January 11, 2010
new blog
So I am starting a new blog, I am keeping this one as well but the new one is strictly about Sydney's condition. It is amommysmiracle.blogspot.com.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)